Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
