Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
