i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
