are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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