once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
