Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I puked a lego.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
