Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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