u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
