Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
