**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
