i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
