Need sex. Gaining weight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
