then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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