just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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