Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
