I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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