I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
