Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Randomize
