Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
