So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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