You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
