You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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