I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
