I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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