you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
