There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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