Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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