On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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