But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
