At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize