Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
