I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You may now shotgun with the bride
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
