but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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