We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize