he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Michael Bay diarrhea
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
