Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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