if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
