dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
