I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
