im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
