I can text with my tongue
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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