Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
