suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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