youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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