Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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