i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
