I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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