Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
