have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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