Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
