Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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