Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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