this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
