i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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