I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
