So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Blood and glitter go together right?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
