You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
worst night to have a conscience
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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