At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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