sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
