Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
