does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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