I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize