my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
