OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
