If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
