im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
