pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
