some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
