areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
