Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
