I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
