I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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