Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
