When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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